Keep me silent, even when my heart is dying for me to speak.

Calm my heart and give me your peace.

Dear past, thank you for the lessons you helped me learn. Dear future, consult with past, learn from it. Dear Present, talk some sense into future...use analogies. Talk with past, give it a good smack in the behind for all it's poopy days. Dear weather, what's your deal? You decide to be warm then cold? I'm not sure if I should wear a scarf or a skirt anymore! Make up your mind! Dear Bob, We're getting a kitten and we're getting married, whaaaat? Dear Jesus, I'm pathetic and lame, but you love me and shower me with grace, I can't say thank you enough. Dear December, I always go back to you...but we are never ever getting back together...like, ever. Dear TS, Yeah, I just did that...live with it. Dear Kim, you are 4 not 11...you are NOT taking the iphone to school crazy girl, stop asking. (: Love you.

stay blessed, not stressed!

(:

I don't deserve all I have been given. 

I don't deserve all I have yet to receive. 

Your grace is more than suffice. 

greater than I could fathom...

and more than I would give. 

Take me. 

and make me look 

more like you. 

 

The momentum of the moment.

I always wanted you to stay.

Couldn't have said it any better myself...

Work at living in peace with everyone, and work at living a holy life, for those who are not holy will not see the Lord.
Hebrews 12:14

-Can I get an AMEN?!-

(:

Hallelujah!

I'm gettin married folks! (:

Love Letters

Dear Tabitha, When I feel like maybe I'm the last living soul that feels a certain way, you almost ALWAYS prove me wrong! Not because you purposely want me to feel vindicated for how I'm feeling but because we kinda run along the same lines mentally and emotionally! Thank you for being that for me! WHOO! Dear 25, tomorrow is the day, we should celebrate...bring it in with a bang! Dear muse, come out in full force...break a new day. Lets get crackin' Dear Dino-cake, you didn't turn out too stellar but everyone loved your flavor, guess you weren't a fail afterall!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You know, I can't promise you everything and anything.
I can't pretend to be anything I'm not.
but who I am, is who I will be...and who I have been.
Take all of me or none of me.
Don't break my heart or make me cry.
Never break your word....or lie to me.
Hold my heart in your hands like you would your own.
I've kept it together as long as I could and the pieces you have are whats left.
It's fragile.
Tender.
So keep it safe.

or give it back.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I'll hold your hand in public,
and run my hands through your hair.
I can write you a sonnet,
or a tale of deep despair.

I can brew you a cup of coffee,
or make your favorite tea.
I could stand and hug you forever,
or we could sail the open sea.

Let's run away tomorrow,
go off and hang our coats.
Forget  the world we knew,
and travel coast to coast.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

Amid the maple tree grove

The slightest breeze blew by, whipping her hair all around her face and then back in a flow so smooth, it seemed unreal. Light brown strands all around her, hiding her momentarily. Gina looked up and in her sharp hazel eyes, a deep moment of sadness resided. Her fingers gently pushed the hair from her face, then
wrapped it all up into a ponytail at the nape of her neck. Her back pressed into the maple tree shed grown so fond of during her time at her aunts house. Her face, towards the sky, eyes closed, hands in the soil. She relaxed, shoulders dropped, her chest rising and falling softly with every breath. "I can feel them", she thought, gaining a sense of peace. She'd never told a soul that she could feel clouds. At least, not until today.

Love Letters

Dear work, I have a half-day of you left and I can't say you'll be sorely missed. Dear Lindsey, although we've been apart for a bit. I love and appreciate everything you have every done for me. Every time you have hugged me when I cried and all those times you ever told me that you absolutely love me! You are really are the bestest! Dear Chris, I'm sorry about the video game situation BUT you get to watch your bromance flourish a little? Dear Bob, I cherish you, like no joke. I'm glad I get to spend thanksgiving with you and your family this year. (I'm a little nervous) Dear Rachel, you have the dorkiest, goofiest mannerisms but really, I think your perfect that way! Dear Kim and Adri, Could you guys get ANY cuter?! I mean, REALLY! DEAR FACEBOOK, Should we break up?


M'yes...I believe that is all. (:



oh wait....and this.

When you're happy as can be!

Dark Gravity

Feverishly she frantically searched the room for his face, his short brown shaggy hair, a glimmer of the green-brown eyes that she'd gazed into so many time before....to no avail. People flew past her in a rush paying no mind to the small-framed, black haired girl. They all looked so busy, in such a hurry, so detached from reality.

Who will love me for me?

"Don't you ever wonder?" she said....aloud of course as noone was around to listen but still, it was how she spoke when she got into the mood of thinking deeply. All afternoon she was wondering, trying to rack her brain and figure out who and how anyone would love her. How do you love the unlovable? The unwanted.
Running a figure-eight onto the back of her hand with her finger, she dreamed of what he would look like, the things he would say. How feeling someone's hand in yours must feel. The thought of a kiss was all too much, too dreamy for even her. Tousling her hair and rumpling up her forehead, she let out a deep sigh of relief.
You just don't see rusty old bikes and decide to fix them up and ride them. No one does that, except for crazy people and well....I'm pretty sure even a crazy man wouldn't love me.
Tia took a look in the mirror, perhaps hoping for a change. No such luck.
Two round blue, grey eyes, a narrow nose and a rosy complexion that has always kissed her skin. Her eyes fell upon her lips, the cleft one...and then onto her stance...crooked and awkward. Warm tears built up in her eyes because no matter how beautiful she felt inside, the outside would never reflect it.

She didn't see it yet.
but her beauty was just beginning.

Love Letters

Dear weekend, Thank you for being fabulous....even though you were cold and crazy, I enjoyed every bit of you. (: Dear stars, Thank you for shining so bright and being lovely to look up and gaze at. You are beautiful. Dear Mary and Jenette, Thank you for being so supportive and understanding, although you are both completely nutty...I wouldn't be me without you two. Dear Thanksgiving, thank you for being a reminder of what and why we are thankful for the beautiful things in our lives. Dear Black Friday, we're done. Dear Bob, Thank you for being my best friend and my handsome boyfriend. You grace my life with love and appreciation. Dear Monday, today I can TOTALLY handle you!

Sleepyhead Saturday.

I have got to be the luckiest lady in the universe. (:


Yep.
The luckiest. (:

Love Letters

Dear Bob, Thank you for loving and caring for me, and thank you for license plating my car. It's officially a real vehicle now (: Dear burn blister, if you could heal soon, I would really appreciate it. Dear Kim, you were so cooperative getting up and about this morning AND you make me so proud to be your mommy. Dear Jenette, thanks for all the laughs and dinner you treated us to last night! Dear Change, Sometimes I get scared when you become a reality. I have been learning to trust in the process and break loose from what's comfortable. I'm excited to see what the future holds for Bob and I!

These are my love letters for the week! Who knows...I may write some more before the week is up!

Peachy Keen...

Hello there sugarbritches, 

How has the life been treating you? 

Hearing all of the political rants on Facebook? 

I have. 

(I've been in a few) 

Fallin' in love? 

Out of it? 

Or just staying on your grind and keeping it cool? 

Whatever makes you happy, right? 

I really don't have much to cover...

....much to say 

(some of the things i want to say, aren't for a public platform, you know?) 

The weather is cooling down...I am not enthused about this...

I mean, who loves cold weather? 

-you can't feel your hands. 

-shivering non-stop

-you have to run to the car (and warm it up) 

-everything dies 

-jackets are bulky 

-texting with gloves on? (COME ON!!!) 

It's just a lose lose all around, a lose....lose. 

but hey, God finds it beneficial so i guess besides the million negatives, there is a positive? 

Speaking of God, 

Murdock is in trouble...

Did you hear what he said about rape and pregnancy? 

but you see...

I understand what he means, I'm not advocating it (no way) or saying that becoming pregnant from a rape would not be a TERRIBLY hard thing to endure BUT (for those of you that believe in God) 

Can God not make beautiful things from nothing? 

 I mean, He made us from dirt....and that takes some 

1. talent 

2. imagination 

3. super powers (which he has) 

People are wicked, thats just a fact....a cold hard brutal fact but I know what Murdock meant when he said what he did. 

We trust God to make us better....

To give us peace 

To put money in our pockets 

and to just sit in the little box until we decide to pull him out like a genie when things just aren't going our way....

but we DON'T trust Him with everything....

-Our lives

-Finances 

-Future 

-Situations

-Families 

-Relationships

INSTEAD we just pick little areas where we think He could fit....

and expect that HE (our creator) to bow down and conform to OUR time, OUR schedule, OUR neeeds. It doesn't work that way....it never will. 

We need God, 

He doesn't NEED us. 

I guess that's been on my mind. 

 &I know the guy is catching some heat for it...and it's tough when you are the one having to defend what YOU believe because others don't believe what you do. 

Let's give our everything to God. 

He has a plan for you, and me....will you live it out? 

Or run? 

The choice is yours. 

until next time dreamboaters (:

Crystal 

Sour Grapes

When your voice of reason is no reason at all.
How can your life be anything but empty?

The navigation of your heart is not based on the things that you can' t understand

until

one day,


you wake up and don't recognize yourself.

You sit and wallow in the fear that others might see you've lost your way...

..wandered down the path of the unknown...

The deepest desires in your heart have become strangers to you foreign when they slide past your lips and choke the life from your breath.

You sit there lifeless,
heart beating.
Sorrow aflame
and wholly calloused.

Defend the joy that so frantically knocks at your door,

waiting for acknowledgement....begging and pleading for a sliver of your time.

Stop while you are ahead because you are unknowingly falling behind and being trampled on by the passerby's angry feet.

Fathom the grappling hold of lament letting you loose and come to your senses.

The love of life and happiness in all moments (including the dark days) hold more matter than the meaningless and shallow pit that you sit in regretting your days as they are handed to you.

because


at some point those days will no longer come.
and regret will fill your lungs like water
robbing you of life, literally.

Bask in the joys of life, the simple ones and the deep and intricate ones.

Live.

Tremble.

My fear, overwhelms me. 

Overtakes my mind and heart.

and yet...

I withstand it...

disregard it 

ignore it. 

This is my heart on the line. 

My words are enraptured by the beating of my heart. 

which says, "be still" 

and yet, I move forward, closer and blindly wander the dark. 

the untrodden path. 

At the end, I pray for light...

I close my eyes. 

and take the plunge. 

Will i come out alive?

Shrink back.

Today marks the last day. 

The final memory. 

The stolen water, regained.

Shattered, then replaced. 

My words evoke anger and confusion from you. 

and my heart could care less 

what.

you.

think.

Fragmented Lives

Does anyone really know? 

The future....or the past for that matter? 

I mean, it's all a series of stories, recollections, and design.

What i see as the past and what someone 

else

might see of it might be two things that don't meet or make sense. 

Sure, there might be portions of the tale that we both recall and remember but after that, there is really no guarantees on which is displayed as actual reality. Since TECHNICALLY, both sides are real, right? 

How do we know what will happen tomorrow? 

next week? 

next year? 

and yet...we spend SO much of our time just focused on small fickle things that don't matter. 

TV, Video Games, Magazines, Gossiping, Partying, Drinking, Shopping into debt, Scanning the internet to check up on people we don't like...

the list goes on. 

What is the world coming to when the happenings of Kim Kardashian or Tom Cruise are more important than the things that are very much happening in the rest of the world? 

Since when has Hollywood taken us by such a storm that we feel consumed by every stupid little thing we see on the silver screen....

...hear on the radio...

....see on the twitter feeds....

Tomorrow is NOT promised, it never will be so where is your time?

your attention? 

 your LOVE? 

What are we teaching our children? our brothers? our friends? 

You may not realize it but you influence those around you more than you think, even if you think you are insignificant, someone is watching and picking up on the things you do. 

would you be proud to have a daughter just like you? 

a son? 

how about a niece or nephew? 

WE have to stand up and WAKE UP...it's high time we get off our bottoms and put in some work. 

if you don't work out, 

you don't get fit. 

If you don't study, 

 you won't learn. 

God has given us the ability to HANDLE everything and anything that he has brought into our paths. Don't live in fear, THROUGH Him, we can do ANYTHING. 

we have not been called to do nothing. 

to play it safe. 

we were called to be DISCIPLES. 

CROSS BEARERS not just CROSS WEARERS. 

so let's pick up our crosses, 

raise our families, 

and shine like the lights that are. 

Wellllll folks, 
tis all for now!!! 

I'll rap at ya another time, 

Crystal! (: 

"In His great mercy, he has given us life, now we can be called the children of God. Great is the love that the father has given us. He has DELIVERED US, he has DELIVERED US!" 

-Children of God,Third Day

Sparkle.

Oh heart.
How fickle you can be.
You break and then melt all in a matter of moments.
Solidified and at rest.
Calm and yet joyous.
Suspense.

Wither.Water.Waiter.

It's the middle of the week. 

and i find myself. happy. 

not that this is new, or an odd event for me...

I've got some fabulous friends, a sweet crazy family and a little girl that makes me smile everyday. 

blessed.

nothing less than blessed (: 

There has even been a reunion of sorts. 

a friendship that i cherish. 

Lets just sum this night up as wondrous. 

"dont be hasty, no dont treat me like a baby, let me take you where you'll let me, because leaving just upsets me" -Paolo Nutini (Jenny Dont be Hasty) 

The next few days to come, will be busy so i wont have a chance to update ( or maybe i will)
 i guess we will see....

The sun is out, so soak it up my friends! 

Goodnight my sweets (: 

Crystal Kearney (: 

" When im not sure of my priorities, when i've lost sight of where im meant to be, like holy water washing over me...you make it real for me"

Feelings can lie.

"dont follow your feelings, just follow His will...and wait"

God gave me a brain for a reason right? If I was made to follow every feeling, every whim or emotion that moved us...well I guess we just wouldn't need to think a whole lot.

Regardless of how my heart feels, I know what is right, I know what the bible calls for and I know that's the standard no matter what.

I'm recovering.

Healing.

Trusting.

And still, I harbor no resentment or bitterness.

Allowing myself to feel this instead of shutting my feelings away was a great choice. This is strength.

Thank you God (:

Have a great day my loves!!

Crystal Marie Kearney!

"but you're here, your real, I know I can trust you. Even when it hurts, even when it's hard, even when it all just falls apart." -Kari Jobe

The Awakening.

I saw today about you. 

who you are. 

how you've changed. 

or better, how you have reverted. 

and i couldn't feel anything but sorry...

sorry. 

that is all. 

I cannot say that I haven't make mistakes to call my own.

I cannot say that I know perfection. 

I cannot say that I am a friend of fearlessness every day of my life. 

but i know that i would never hurt you by sharing your mistakes with the world. 

in detail. 

and i would never shame you by telling the tales of your suffering. 

with gladness. 

Words are powerless unless you give them life. 

meaning. 

&

value. 

My heart stands solidified against the idea of you. 

i was broken at one point. 

but no longer. 

the truth is, i made the mistake of telling myself i could help you along your way. 

i cant. 

Out there somewhere....

is the man that God has made for me. 

The person who will love me like Christ called him to. 

The sweet gentleman who's face stirs up love. The man who i will wake up next to everyday and thank the Lord for. The person I shall call my husband. 

and i pray you find her. 

the woman who will envoke joy and selflessness from you. 

The woman that God created to be your complimentary half. 

and long before this....long before i accepted it....i knew this was the right thing to do. 

I knew it. 

but avoiding the issue wont change it. 

Hope fills my lungs and breath arises. 

Laughter fills my heart and strengthens my joy.

All is well. 

S/O to that dear one having trouble being away from those he loves. I think of you often and my heart is with you. Dear, dear friend (:

Anticipation. (:

<3 Goodnight Sweethearts. 

Crystal Marie Kearney 

" I've been on the wrong track, with the wrong map and im tryina to find my way home" 

-Johnny Lang