New Years Resolutions.

This year has been filled with disapointment and disillusions.
im really ready to just start over with everything.

I can't see sometimes, and i dont be literally.

things get so foggy and when things get like that, it's easy to get lost.

i despise liars in whole and want nothing to do with liars at all.

i hate when double standards become an issue, because that is so unfair and unruly.

things are getting crazyy and i want some peace inside and out.

there is only ONE way to gain that, and i think i know how.

i get my daughter tomorrow and we will be having our own little christmas since i didnt get to see her on christmas day.

i.know.what.i.have.to.do.now.

ready?
or not?
here is comes...

checkin out yo'
crystal (:


"i thought that we were stronger/all we do is linger/slipping through my fingers. i dont wanna try now/all thats left is goodbye to try to find a way to tell you/ i hate this part right here."

Forever.i.want....

The days run dreary when she isn't with me. i miss my daughter, i hate that i actally have to deal with my ex-husband's crap. He is such a jerk and then tries to blame it all on me, it's so unfair but one day all this will come to light and he will be exposed as the con that he is.

As for christmas, it wasn't great. I didn't have kim with me and so it suckeddd. i got to see my brothers and i haven't seen them in quite sometime so that was definetly nice. =)

i love them
i think that in time things will fall into place and it will all make sense but for now i think that this a time for transition, things are changing and im getting where im supposed to be.

im still working on my relationship with God, i have messed that up alot. It's scary because i know the consequenses of being away from God.
Im in his hands tho and i know that although it may take sometime, i can get back where i was...

im ready to be moved.

superlove
Crystal

"the heart is stonger than you think, even when you think you can't make it, you'll be surprised what you can make it through..."

Wrecked.

my feelings have gotten all confusing and retarded recently.

This has overcome me at the last possible minute.
im thinking and thinking, just like i always do on those days. No conclusion.
how unfortunate. how sad.

I can't imagine how to go on about things, now that my whole word has been turned upside down and inside out.

it feels like i went walking on a cold winter, i walked and walked for hours and hours until i finally found myself far from home that i had ever anticipated going. I start to tread back and realize that the walk home is harder than the walk away. I feel like i have been walkking awaty from home and trying to find my way back is hard and i feel wrecked. I have no clue what to do? stay where i am and die? or get up, walk home and rememeber that walking off away from home is a sure step to this unkempt seperation from my home? I am pondering the effects, but making a stand, trying my best to stay where i belong.

I made a 100 on my paper (hoorayy)
watched brothers last night (sad)
dont have kim (sad)

delete.


well sweet readers i better go on about my dayy..

lovelovesuperlove.

CrystaL

learning how much it hurts to fall..
The tiniest infraction in your everyday life. One thing that can change everything and make your stomach do a flip ( only it's not the good kind) There are a million things that can happen the only thing is that when they happen, you can't belive it and it puts into a mental shock where you don't want to hear anything, it's so bad that you barely want to think about it.
There are so many infractions that the saying a minute can change your life can actually be applied to you ( in the reasonable sense) Yet, you go on trying to pretend like it doens't hurt the way that you KNOW it hurts. Trying so hard and falling OVER AND OVER again.
Falling hurts so bad, sure, you try to act like it doesn't bother you but deep down inside, it does. Whether it's your pride, your emotions or physical hurt....it hurts.
So why do people apply this to things like love? wouldn't it make you afraid to FALL in love?? So why do we do it? why do we let ourselves fall? why can't we stop it and then when we have fallen, we can't seem to get up NO MATTER what we do.
It's noone's fault that we fall, we just do. and there is absloutly NOTHING that we can do about that, nothing. As scary as that sounds it's true. all that we can do is get up, and TRY so hard to never hurt anyone and not to let anyone hurt you. It's not easy, AT ALL. but regardless. it's life...

pondering..

oh my goodness gracious.

Oh, how long has it been since i have updated this thing? probably a mighty long time i can imagine.
life is rather smooth at the moment

not too shabby, not too shabby at all.

of course, i could own a mansion and a million dollars and be like super duper rich. Would that make life better?
maybe.
who knows...

I was thinking the other day, and i do that alot, i think that im pretty much alright with the way that things are going.

i would most certainly trade a few things, or possibly a few people here and there.

I hate the fact that there are so many jerk-people out there, and yes this is whta they are jerk people. They are consumed by being a jerk that anything else would make them feel incomplete as humans. how sad.

well there are some women that i would like to exil, men for that matter as well. Women can be so devious and cold hearted that i am nearly embarassed to be one at times.


oh well


Crystal!