Time is aloof.

Life is always changing, constantly moving in a direction that you either didn't expect or maybe even didn't want. I am no exception. Now i will just give a brief overview but no ranting and raving (at least not tonight). At the tender age of 20 i married right out of high school and 9 months later i was a mommy. While i love to be a mommy, i am not longer a wife enough said. Men are possibly the most complicated creatures ever! they are the complete and total opposite of women yet we cannot seem to do without them (well some women do, but lets not get into that...).

While The Fray blares through my laptop speakers i do a summary of everything going on..and its more than it appears because now not only am i getting a divorce but i have to worry about providing for my daughter, starting school and working full-time. Life is about to get busier than ever before, and as if THAT wasn't enough...I have obtained feelings for someone

SO that leaves me in a tiny bit of a predicament (spell ck)
my marriage not included in this.

I appear happy on the outside, and to an extent i am. I have never been a negative person i like to see the bright side, the silver lining if you'll have it. The thing is that lately i feel like a bit of a failure a 21 year old divorcee and all. I don't know what i could have done differently but i is again all that i stand for getting this divorce. At times, i wonder if God will forgive me this sin of divorcing my husband (rather him divorcing me).

I wont see my daughter for a week and this tears at my heart. Every time i see her it's like i have missed a chunk of her life and i wont ever be able to reach over and just take back that week that i missed with her. These days are growing far too long.

God is all that keeps me going in these days of confusion. I pray every single night for direction and guidance and that i should go in the way he would have me go and not my own ways. I pray that i make the right choices in raising my daughter. I pray that i will forgive Chris for what hes done. I pray for everyone, including my 5 hour friend.

While i have friends and family that i know will never leave my side regardless of the situation i cant help but be bothered that i am actually being given the "cold shoulder". Not many people have done that to me, i rarely have someone who will ignore me or not like me, so this is new. i just don't get it.

No matter what happens, I know i will be okay. Everything happens for a reason because that man upstairs knows just what he's doing. =)

but pray for me anyways...


Good night babe,
Crystal.