Music, Family, and Food. =)

Ahh..where to begin?

today was fun.

crazy and unexpected but still it was fun.

Lets start with the morning, I woke up late. alarm didnt go off (i dont think it did) resulting in me missing my ride to work. Luckily, I found a ride and got to work!!

After that the day went pretty normal. I did my work and functioned like i would any other day. After work i went and took my driving exam (and passed!) =)

Thenn my sister and I came back to my place and hungg out..

We went to applebees and had a lot of fun, catching up on old times and such.

Went to see Harry Potter (which i regret) but had fun anyways. lol.

hmm. only thing that side-tracked me was a certain TEXT i got from a certain SOMEONE. (not saying so dont ask)

well i had texted this person and didn't expect a response but i got a one-word response and it made me think about this person all the more....

thats all im saying.

I love my family so much. No matter what i have them with me near or far we find a way to stay connected. Music has been so soothing lately, listening to ALOT of jamie cullum (who im sure MOST of you have never heard of!)

but i know that everything happens for a reason and that it will all be okay i just need to try and see the big picture and not let it get me down.

God is amazing, He is my Father, Creator and He wont ever let me go. =)

I miss my baby girl so much more everyday. Seeing her pictures make me smile and I want to be with her so badly...

Wellll. Time for bed the night is turning into dawn.

Resistance is futile. bedtime is here.

Goodnight World.

Crystal

"Only ONE name lasts forever, only ONE fame stands alone, only ONE king has an anthem that goes on and on and on..." -Kari Jobe 'im singing'

PeteR

Peter and I. He's my little buddy, my old bosses son. Hes a nerd. lol. ran into him at the movies, hes getting all grown up! I remember when he was so much younger. =) aww. lol.

Life is beautiful, even in uncertain times.

Im listening to "white flag" by Dido. Old school, yeah i know. unlike this song though i am not putting my hands up in surrender. The only reason these hands come up is if I'm fixing my hair, dancing, or praising God.

The oddest thing happened today, well i am very intuitive and i get a feeling when something is going to happen to someone i care about. I thought it was odd at first but i like the heads up. Well the feeling was right but i don't want to put any ones business out there.

Well anyhow, I have been seriously thinking about everything, and i mean everything. I move next week and so that's gonna be fun! (not) I get Kim though and that balances it all out.

Since my thinking here is what i have decided:

1) I am going to be nice to Chris no matter how bad he treats me. It will be the ultimate "turn the other cheek" but i think that it would definitely make me a stronger person.

2) i will tell you number 2 at a later date...

3) i am going to begin reading my bible everyday NO MATTER WHAT. This will require lots of dedication and persistence but i believe it can be done.

4) i will never again text on a date. i still feel bad about doing that!

5) I will help my sister because i can see how hard she is trying so hard and i love her millions.

I walked across an empty path/ i knew the land well like the back of my hand.

-Keane "somewhere only we know"

These are my 5 declarations.

and i will be trying so hard to keep up with them.

I am fervent in my faith and i feel that no matter what it will sustain me.

Life is beautiful. The thought of it, the people you come in contact with and make connections with.

I love the thought of making someones day better by just a smile. I smile all day everyday because its one of the best things i have been blessed with.

A smile is contagious, i have seen these things.

Its the funniest thing because i have met so many people who don't see any optimism in life because they have been through so much.

I think that is an excuse to be angry. I have been through almost everything from neglect, abuse, disownment..and the list goes on..

Do i carry a chip on my shoulder? NO.

Does the world owe me any compensation or pity for my pain? NO.

Everything i went through made me who i am now.

It may not have been so wonderful when i was going through it but in the end, God brought me out of it. He is still bringing me out of things, I don't blame God I thank him because He is using me for His purpose for something so much bigger than just me, and i love that.

Well that's all i got tonight.

Night love. God Bless. =)

Crystal

Time is aloof.

Life is always changing, constantly moving in a direction that you either didn't expect or maybe even didn't want. I am no exception. Now i will just give a brief overview but no ranting and raving (at least not tonight). At the tender age of 20 i married right out of high school and 9 months later i was a mommy. While i love to be a mommy, i am not longer a wife enough said. Men are possibly the most complicated creatures ever! they are the complete and total opposite of women yet we cannot seem to do without them (well some women do, but lets not get into that...).

While The Fray blares through my laptop speakers i do a summary of everything going on..and its more than it appears because now not only am i getting a divorce but i have to worry about providing for my daughter, starting school and working full-time. Life is about to get busier than ever before, and as if THAT wasn't enough...I have obtained feelings for someone

SO that leaves me in a tiny bit of a predicament (spell ck)
my marriage not included in this.

I appear happy on the outside, and to an extent i am. I have never been a negative person i like to see the bright side, the silver lining if you'll have it. The thing is that lately i feel like a bit of a failure a 21 year old divorcee and all. I don't know what i could have done differently but i is again all that i stand for getting this divorce. At times, i wonder if God will forgive me this sin of divorcing my husband (rather him divorcing me).

I wont see my daughter for a week and this tears at my heart. Every time i see her it's like i have missed a chunk of her life and i wont ever be able to reach over and just take back that week that i missed with her. These days are growing far too long.

God is all that keeps me going in these days of confusion. I pray every single night for direction and guidance and that i should go in the way he would have me go and not my own ways. I pray that i make the right choices in raising my daughter. I pray that i will forgive Chris for what hes done. I pray for everyone, including my 5 hour friend.

While i have friends and family that i know will never leave my side regardless of the situation i cant help but be bothered that i am actually being given the "cold shoulder". Not many people have done that to me, i rarely have someone who will ignore me or not like me, so this is new. i just don't get it.

No matter what happens, I know i will be okay. Everything happens for a reason because that man upstairs knows just what he's doing. =)

but pray for me anyways...


Good night babe,
Crystal.