...life as the man on the side.
i fell in love with a dream that i built up, you played that part of the queen.
-ernie halter. (whom i love)
cause we both know that the worst part about this is that i would be free when you wanted me....when you wanted me.....IF you wanted me.
okay, so enough of that lyrical banter, have you ever heard the phrase, "Don't allow your past to ruin your future?"
well im not gonna sit here and try and blame anyone for any of the mistakes that i have made but i WILL say that because of things that i have endured in the past, i become increasingly afraid of that happening again and my way of stopping that from happening, is running AND closing up.
so OBVIOUSLY something needs to change!
how
in
the
WORLD,
will i ever get anywhere like THAT!??
i think that i need to let go and love like i have never been hurt
this is easier said that done.
i KNOW what i need to do, just not HOW to make it happen.
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this is an empty space that carries no purpose whatsoever
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well other than this dillema things are going pretty great, a few things have gone wrong here and there but thats pretty normal.
my sweet darling little kimberly is now 2!
i can hardly believe it, it feels like it was just yesterday when i was rubbing my massive belly and wondering what she would look like.
it seems like only the other day that i was holding that tiny little blessing in my arms and wondering how i could ever meet anyone for the first time and love them so entirely?!
she is honestly
my heart.
i love that little girl,
and i cant believe shes growing so quickly.
i know that i want one or maybe 2 more kiddos.
i think that being a mommy
is something i am very good at.
i love that! =)
so a few weeks ago, jeff and i got promise rings, promise rings as in we promise to wait until the big day before we share...secrets? lol. but it really means alot to me that he is willing to wait.
more
than
he
knows.
i love that dude.
hes amazing.
when im sad,
he wraps his arms around me and cheers me up.
when im mad,
he pulls me close until im not mad anymore.
when im worried,
he tries his best to take them all away.
and when i least expect it....he sweeps my off my feet.
we slow dance in the kitchen for absolutly no reason
we hold hands in the car
we write letters to each other just because
ahhh, he really is way more than all that ive just said...
i mean he is a man...
so
of COURSE...
.....he pisses me off and annoys me and makes things complicated, but i still love him.
guess thats one of those things that noone really ever understands.
im sure that i can take all the good and bad.
thats what you do when you love someone right? right!
im listening to etta james. you know who that is?
it's someone amazing, educate yourself!
well i have to finish cleaning this lovely little home of mine.
oh joy.
theparkranger,
Crystal
"you walking away from Christ man, you losing touch...."
-"heaven or hell" LeCrae
