Broken.Strings.

i cant begin to make a picture from the scraps you have set before me.

it seems like no matter how long i wait
things will not change.

im a hopeless dreamer wishing for a love that will never come.
never exist.

never be true.

i give from the depths of my heart, learning, loving, and even forgiving wholly
but it

wont ever be suffice.

i want time.
but im given anger and strife.

i ask for words,
but you give me mallice and hurt.

i beg for love,
and you hand me anger instead.

when?
when can i trust myself to love someone who will love me in return?

why does it have to be so complex?

confessions of a broken heart are the only ones that seem true anymore.

i decide now that my eyes and heart will be set on two things, and two alone.

my daughter and God.

in time i know, things will change, wounds will be dressed and healed.
in time.

"it kicks to hard it breaks your bones, cuts so deep, it hits your soul. Tears your skin and makes your blood flow. its better that we know...that love is hard." -James Morrison

i am the one who will swallow his pride.

...life as the man on the side.

i fell in love with a dream that i built up, you played that part of the queen.

-ernie halter. (whom i love)

cause we both know that the worst part about this is that i would be free when you wanted me....when you wanted me.....IF you wanted me.

okay, so enough of that lyrical banter, have you ever heard the phrase, "Don't allow your past to ruin your future?"

well im not gonna sit here and try and blame anyone for any of the mistakes that i have made but i WILL say that because of things that i have endured in the past, i become increasingly afraid of that happening again and my way of stopping that from happening, is running AND closing up.

so OBVIOUSLY something needs to change!

how

in

the

WORLD,

will i ever get anywhere like THAT!??

i think that i need to let go and love like i have never been hurt

this is easier said that done.

i KNOW what i need to do, just not HOW to make it happen.

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this is an empty space that carries no purpose whatsoever

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well other than this dillema things are going pretty great, a few things have gone wrong here and there but thats pretty normal.

my sweet darling little kimberly is now 2!

i can hardly believe it, it feels like it was just yesterday when i was rubbing my massive belly and wondering what she would look like.

it seems like only the other day that i was holding that tiny little blessing in my arms and wondering how i could ever meet anyone for the first time and love them so entirely?!

she is honestly

my heart.

i love that little girl,

and i cant believe shes growing so quickly.

i know that i want one or maybe 2 more kiddos.

i think that being a mommy

is something i am very good at.

i love that! =)

so a few weeks ago, jeff and i got promise rings, promise rings as in we promise to wait until the big day before we share...secrets? lol. but it really means alot to me that he is willing to wait.

more

than

he

knows.

i love that dude.

hes amazing.

when im sad,

he wraps his arms around me and cheers me up.

when im mad,

he pulls me close until im not mad anymore.

when im worried,

he tries his best to take them all away.

and when i least expect it....he sweeps my off my feet.

we slow dance in the kitchen for absolutly no reason

we hold hands in the car

we write letters to each other just because

ahhh, he really is way more than all that ive just said...

i mean he is a man...

so

of COURSE...

.....he pisses me off and annoys me and makes things complicated, but i still love him.

guess thats one of those things that noone really ever understands.

im sure that i can take all the good and bad.

thats what you do when you love someone right? right!

im listening to etta james. you know who that is?

it's someone amazing, educate yourself!

well i have to finish cleaning this lovely little home of mine.

oh joy.

theparkranger,

Crystal

"you walking away from Christ man, you losing touch...."

-"heaven or hell" LeCrae

wandering the streets at night.

ok so i dont actually wander the streets at night like ever but hey, it sounded good at the time sooo.....

ANYWAYS.

im in math tonight, and i totally am about to die from a freaking anurism (spell check)

grrrrrrr.
i HATE MATH with a passion.


so i need a write fix and here it is...

so topic of today,

Joe Stamp.
is it stamp?
i cant remember his last name for certain...

well this guy flew a plane into a building in austin this morning. can you believe that?
i think that it's ridiculous how selfish some people can be.

he's talking about being robbed by the government but is that really a reason to rob people of their family?
an eye for an eye will make the world blind, well guess noone told him that...
oh goodness, things are just crazy.

my life is great, busy but great.

Gunther (Jeff) sent me flowers all week, thats liike super sweet. :)

i miss my daughter and ii am glad that shes in my life i love her and hate being without her, she'll be 2 next month and it's insane!!

well i gotta go bro.

class is calling and unfortunatly i have to answer...'

lovethedove

Crystal.

" If i gave you my heart would you hold it like a candle giving you light?"
-Justin Nozuka

Pippy hippy

Watermelon head.

So the year had proceeded, in a bit of a rush?

Whether it's rushed or not, i love it. Things are going fabulously!

Things change everyday, i grow everyday.

My mind searches everyday for a new heart inquiry.

i found it.

I still have alot to learn about life and i think that is just peachy-keen with me!

God has blessed me sooo much!

_____________________SOOOOOO>>>__________________________

Went and saw legion and book of eli this weekend, and they were both stellar, crazy that they were also pretty much influenced about God and the bible and such.

personally, i think that book of Eli was deeper and more meaningful. it made me really think about how bad things could get if God were to ever just let us deal with things on our own.

Church today was also great!

The sermon was about letting go of the bad pretty much.

&& i think that it really spoke to me becuse i still struggle at times with people that have wronged me and things that have gone less than favorably for me.

While peopled have wronged and hurt me, i have also hurt and wronged people.

i acknowledge this and am finally letting go and moving on, living a better life than the one i formerlly knew.

this makes my heart leap inside this chest of mine, and im overcome with joy. (=

life renewed.

thankful.

laterlateruncletator,

Crystal

"i never promised there'd be sunshine everyday/i'll give you everything i have, the good the bad..."

New Years Resolutions.

This year has been filled with disapointment and disillusions.
im really ready to just start over with everything.

I can't see sometimes, and i dont be literally.

things get so foggy and when things get like that, it's easy to get lost.

i despise liars in whole and want nothing to do with liars at all.

i hate when double standards become an issue, because that is so unfair and unruly.

things are getting crazyy and i want some peace inside and out.

there is only ONE way to gain that, and i think i know how.

i get my daughter tomorrow and we will be having our own little christmas since i didnt get to see her on christmas day.

i.know.what.i.have.to.do.now.

ready?
or not?
here is comes...

checkin out yo'
crystal (:


"i thought that we were stronger/all we do is linger/slipping through my fingers. i dont wanna try now/all thats left is goodbye to try to find a way to tell you/ i hate this part right here."

Forever.i.want....

The days run dreary when she isn't with me. i miss my daughter, i hate that i actally have to deal with my ex-husband's crap. He is such a jerk and then tries to blame it all on me, it's so unfair but one day all this will come to light and he will be exposed as the con that he is.

As for christmas, it wasn't great. I didn't have kim with me and so it suckeddd. i got to see my brothers and i haven't seen them in quite sometime so that was definetly nice. =)

i love them
i think that in time things will fall into place and it will all make sense but for now i think that this a time for transition, things are changing and im getting where im supposed to be.

im still working on my relationship with God, i have messed that up alot. It's scary because i know the consequenses of being away from God.
Im in his hands tho and i know that although it may take sometime, i can get back where i was...

im ready to be moved.

superlove
Crystal

"the heart is stonger than you think, even when you think you can't make it, you'll be surprised what you can make it through..."